"flavors"

This is a dairy free ice cream-like thing (no quotation marks for that at all, note) that apparently has some "great" "flavors."

unlimited "throw ins"

I am not sure I want to know what kind of gross stuff qualify as "throw ins." Thanks, Carly.

for pretend christians

Dude, even Unitarians get behind the word "faith." I guess this is for religious hedgers. Thanks, Evan.

"delicious"

Hamburgers, they are so "yummy." Thanks, John.

"emergency numbers"

I guess these are for fake emergencies. And they are letters. Thanks, Joshua.

"not sarcastic"

This sign is "really" "sincere" about how much they "love" kids. Thanks, Lisa.

if you call that a crepe

I assume a french person demanded these quotation marks. Thanks, Noam.

quotation from handbook?

Ken writes: If I can interpret this correctly, it’s telling us “What the hell. Snacks inside. Come on in.”

keep it "locked"

John writes, "Not sure what really goes on in this 'Equipment Room,' but the door is actually unlocked if you dare to take a peek."

is that slang for money?

I like how this photo includes a literal green basket. So I don't know if they think that's a mediocre label for that thing, or what? Thanks, Ethan.

or pawed over?

Chris writes, "I pick up mail for an insurance company with fairly high volume (about 10,000 letters each day), and this laminated card is attached to the invoice that I sign. Maybe glancing at it for a couple seconds counts as an 'inspection.'"

who does what?

One time our manager said "we also make" and it was so profound or funny or something. Thanks, Marc.

we accept... something

I guess if you call your credit card "debit and cash" you are good to go. Thanks, Michael.

go ahead, "ask"

I guess if you're in the secret coffee club you have to know how to "ask" whose it is and what two periods in the middle of a sentence means. Thanks, Spencer.

it's not REALLY checking out

Real checking out involves a barcode scanner and demagnetizing things. Thanks, Justin.

somebody does

we send some other locksmith to you! Thanks, John.

have a nice evening

Arash did not give me any context for this but I can only assume the maid is implying that if you don't get your lazy butt out of bed until after noon, you have already missed a good part of the day.

"trays" eh?

These are imaginary trays sitting on the counter, inviting you to place your real trays on top of them. Obviously. Thanks, Elise.

these are the pies every day

also yesterday's pies and today's cakes. Thanks, Sarah.

some kind of cart, probably

Tom writes, "Possibly the conveyances in question are not really shopping carts, and the quotation marks indicate that the store's management is aware of this discrepancy."

IMPORTANT UPDATE: This sign has been recently removed. No evidence that it is because of its appearance on this blog.

aka my backyard

I guess this person's indentured servants now live in a place called "vietnam" making weird chicken art. Thanks, Jamie.

internet you say?

Duncan writes, "From the CES show in Las Vegas. I think it's a trap."

leave something unlocked for me

I'm not sure what this sign writer wants you to do under the table, but it's something. Maybe it's the code for someone's illicit makeout session! Thanks, Desiree.

well ok then

SpytFyr spotted these in Moab UT. So, uh, I guess it makes sense? Except it doesn't make sense at all. On many levels.

actually pretty smart

This is a pretty smart pretend security camera, I guess. Thanks, Graeme.

more fake mexican food

So I guess that's some chick'n and cheese in toast? Thanks, Bata.

sample in a manner of speaking

It's not like a food sample, don't eat it. Thanks, Bata.

local-esque

Those farms are local as in the same country I guess. Thanks, Jenn.

whose?

Wait, so "our own candles" is the brand? That you are impersonating? or something? thanks, Chad and Sarah.

moderately sized screen

Yeah, I heard it was "huge," "enormous," and uh, not that impressive. Thanks, Chad in Austen.