as a famous ferry driver once said

So I guess this is some kind of song to remember how to put your car on the ferry? Thanks Dean.

"breakfast" sausage

I guess this sausage is really best served at dinner, but it's a secret. Thanks Tony.

"must" on some days

I guess only some people really need to display their id. Thanks bvb.

restuarant dialogue

I guess these restaurant directions come in the form of a little play for you to perform. Thanks Dave.

"Amazing wines"

According to one person who said the wines were amazing once, I guess. Thanks Sam.

Undead music

This music is... live on tape? Thanks Jane.

"join the party"

Sounds like a "blast" and they really "want" you to come. Thanks Kelli.

under whom?

I wonder who this church believes our nation is actually under? Thanks Ian.

"severely delicious"

1) severely? 2) but not really. Thanks Terra.

The place for "ribs"

Here is a place they serve fake ribs. Thanks Bob.

Help with "experience"

I wonder what kind of "experience," exactly, they are looking for. Thanks Christina.

um, "ear plugs"

We found these weird pieces of silicone laying around. Maybe they're ear plugs? Thanks Jonny.

so-called candy

So, if it's only pretend candy, is it not delicious? Because $2.25 is a lot for fake candy. Thanks Margaret.

For "safety reasons"

I guess they didn't want to spell out the gross foot-based reasons, and I'm really ok with that. Thanks Lauren.

"satellite office"

This is a very mysterious code. I wonder what kind of cold war leftover satellite shenanigans they have going on here! Thanks David.

"no diving allowed"

So, the no diving wink is fairly typical, but I'm not sure what to make of the opening and closing quotation marks in the smaller paragraphs which do not make a set with each other or or, apparently, anything. Thanks Julie.

biggest selection on the outskirts of town

So, I guess these sweatshirts are not in town? only for certain values of in town? Thanks Adam.

No parking "anytime"

Because at "any" "time" we might want to "use" the "driveway" obviously. Thanks Plutocrat.

"made on our premises"

Suuuuure it was made there. Seems like you totally "stand by" that claim. Thanks Sara.

Only "loonies"

So, actually this is totally acceptable because "loonies" is the nickname for Canadian dollar coins, but "Loonies" is a funny word so I'm posting it anyway. Also, it draws attention to the hilarious fact that we make nicknames for money. Thanks Matthew.

"artist area"

This is where the flaky people hang out. Thanks Claire.

"A Family Resort"

Maybe they mean that everyone who visits there is literally related? Thanks Jessie.

"free" accounts for people who "love" money?

Aidan sent me two samples from perhaps the most sarcastic bank in the world.

As the management famously says

Submitter Rosemary invokes a line from the movie Clueless, "Duh, it's like a famous quote."

Posts to this blog now automatically tweeted

It occurred to me recently that some of you might like it if there was a twitter stream that gave you links to new posts on this blog. Well, just in case that is true, I set up an ifttt rule that tweets posts from this blog straight to a new twitter account. Follow away!

Also, this blog continues to have a facebook page, which features links to posts chosen arbitrarily by me when I think to do it.

We have "tater tots"

I wonder what their "tater tots" really are. Thanks Cathy.

pet hostile

Ok, maybe pet TOLERANT. Thanks Amy.

ok, not FIRST FIRST

Flip spotted this in SE London. I guess really really first, you need to breathe. Then read these instructions, then follow them.

"homemade" cookies

This store doesn't look like it has an oven, so I wonder where these cookies were made, if not in somebody's home. Thanks Molly.

"absolutely"

I guess when it comes to food or drink, there are no real absolutes. Thanks Scott.

suuure it is

This obviously is holding somebody's action figure collection. Thanks Rob.

get ready for an "announcement"

So, by, like, making fart noises? Thanks David.

As we call it

I wonder what kinds of "pre-pay" purchases are available, and what you pay for, and how far in advance? Thanks Bob.

existential hold

So, maybe there are certain universes in which the hold exists and others where it does not? This is really complicated. Thanks Nuri.

fake polite bakery

I guess they really don't want to be polite about the tongs here. Thanks Foz.

Don't "peel" it

Submitter Lorraine writes:

I get it. They don't want me to "peel" the corn. Just "buy" it.

Dog Display team "par excellence"

1) Dog display team. 2) DOG DISPLAY TEAM 3) I don't know what this would mean without quotation marks, but with them I really don't know.
Thank Saad.

"new" arrivals

I guess in Nepal this stuff is old news. Thanks Murray.

"Authorized"

Submitter AJ suggests this agent's mom thinks he does a great job.

Voting "us" best

I wonder who really won. Thanks Martha.

Plus whatever

There are a variety of things in addition to grass and leaves that you can put here. Thanks Don.

"free" wifi

Submitter Aaron suggests this means, "if you have to ask how much our wifi costs, you can't afford it."

Am I being trolled?

This person is just trying to get on my blog, right? Thanks Angela.

or... try it?

Submitter Mandi adds, "The other sign on the tank said that the fish was aggressive and had broken the tank before. So maybe they really wanted to see some destruction?"

get ready for some "enforcement"

This go-kart place takes this rule "seriously." Thanks Keith.

Historical "catering"

Tim alerted me to this picture found on this tumblr, featuring John and Yoko and a hotdog cart that "caters." Now, if the catering is hotdogs, I might give this one the stamp of approval: it's borderline catering. What say you, commentariat?

mysterious coffee actions

Bill spotted both of these at a coffee shop in San Francisco. Apparently they have all kinds of secret inside coffee actions you are supposed to do there.

Only crack metaphorical whips please

I like thinking about the situation that led to the creation of this sign, and thinking about the obviously accounted for exceptions. Metaphors being one clear winner. Thanks Adam.