"police" take notice

I guess only a the fake police really take notice of your loitering. Though that might be worse. Thanks Zaliah.

"Garage" Sale

Submitter Kitri points out that these quotation mars are ALSO exclamation points. Simultaneously sarcastic and enthusiastic!

"Large bag" of chips is still medium sized at best

When I was posting this picture I found an older picture of the same thing in my file, which I posted in 2008.  Guys. The price went up, but these chips are still not in a truly large bag. Thanks Brendan.

Reserved for "Kathy"

So if I park in this space, am I by default now "Kathy"? Because I think I could live with that. Thanks Margo.

that's right, "ham burgers"

It's hard to choose a favorite thing about this sign, but I'm going with how long it took me to figure out what they meant by "ham burgers." I wonder if they are really made out of ham. Thanks to Beth, who also reports that the "turkey legs" appeared to be actual turkey and were very good.

Parking "$30"

I guess the parking actually costs however much they say, because what are you going to do about it? Thanks Morgan.

"hotter" water

The submitter writes "The unfortunate thing is, I was too busy mocking the quotes to actually absorb the intended message. I totally burned myself."

"debit" cards

Who knows what kind of cards they actually accept, or what role safety actually plays. Thanks Isaac.

so....

I guess students should do a variety of things in or near the teacher's lounge? Thanks Erica.

Landlord version of "tomorrow"

I wonder when submitter Norite's air conditioning finally got fixed.

"only" staff

I like how this appears to be a statement of fact, and also an order, but involves some hedging. Thanks Dave.

"all employee's"

So I guess that's the title or something. Thanks Andrew.

"exterminator"

Look out for that exterminator impersonator. Thanks Taylor.

"the original"

So what's really impressive is that Adam got two different sets of unnecessary quotation marks in one fabulous nighttime photo of Atlanta GA. I guess this is where you can get a knockoff J.R. Crickets under fake surveillance.

"gett them"

This sign, spotted by Meredith in a downtown Toronto store window, is really remarkable because of the density of unusual language choices. I can only assume this might be written in some other language that is remarkably similar to standard edited English.

"tshirt" sale

I guess it's more like a turtleneck? Thanks Mike.

Local "Pears"

Submitter Stephen writes, "They might not really be pears, but at least they're local."

ah, a high "cost"

Megan spotted this at a gas station, where they pretend it "costs" "money" to let you use the bathroom.

Store Hours "this week"

So maybe these are the regular hours for every week except this one? Thanks Hopita.

hitting into fence "is prohibited"

I guess this prohibition comes with a bit of a wink. Thanks Trevor.

"meat dept"

This "meat dept" isn't sketchy at all. That's not what those question marks mean, how silly of you to think that. Thanks Maegan.

"smoked" chickens

I guess these chickens were, like, exposed to second-hand smoke? Thanks Aoife.

code of office fridge "honor"

I love everything about this. I love the idea that it's not just any honor code, but a specific one titled "the honor code" and it is relevant to the office fridge in some way, and people need to be reminded. For "honor." Thanks Jennifer.

"Pool Open"

So I guess the pool is, like, ajar? Thanks Ruckus.

"Homemade" Chicken Salad Sandwich

This sandwich was NOT made in somebody's home. Obviously. Thanks Ruckus.

Fish slogans!

Obviously the best of these competing fish slogans is "Make Friends with Fish." Click to enlarge and read them all for yourself. Thanks Eleanore.

"Doors" for "emergency use"

This is some kind of code about emergency door use. I wonder what is an "emergency." Thanks Kari.

Out of "Sausage"

Looking for "sausage?" you won't find it here. Or will you? I don't even know what to think anymore. Thanks Ron.

Must have a "Valid ID"

Yeah, they don't take fake IDs here "at all." Thanks Steuard.

"fast" food store

I guess this food is kind of sluggish. Or it makes YOU sluggish? Thanks Elizabeth.

"nursery room"

I don't know what kind of "nursery" this is, or what kind of sketchy locked-door stuff is going on in there. Thanks Dana.

is this like a triple negative?

I guess, maybe, some of them are returnable? Thanks Trent.

"new" grocery items

I guess these foods have actually existed for quite a while. Thanks Laila.

I don't speak french

Dave spotted this in Montreal but did not send along a translation. I get the basic message with sheer force of will, but I live in America and I know English and Spanish. So you guys tell me, is this funny? Make some jokes!

"Special" rose bouquets

I guess these are more like everyday rose bouquets. Thanks Anthony.

U.S. citizens, don't forget to vote tomorrow. And don't forget to find out about local elections and ballot issues, there's more on the line than the presidency.

"Fresh" "Locally Grown"

Well, listen. When these potatoes were packaged, they were fresh and local, but they have no control over how far you transport them or how long it takes you. Thanks Andrew.

"seven" rooms

Get ready for an infinite art exhibit with decoy refreshments! Thanks Scott.

"no" construction paper

Maybe they think "no" is their catchphrase. Good catchphrase guys, but consider adding another one, like, I dunno, "thar she blows!" Thanks Matt.

"making a difference"

I guess they don't actually make much of a difference. Or maybe a punny one, math-related. Thanks David.

"healthy" foods

I guess the food is only moderately healthy, and the savings are mediocre as well. Thanks Ariele.

talking on your "phone"

I wonder what they really wanted to call the communication device in question? Thanks Patricia.

as you call them

You guys know these are really called submarine sandwiches, right? Thanks Hopita.