now that's "service"

Jim sent me this one. He also points out that depending on your view of the LAPD, it may be accurate. Since it's a slogan, it's kind of borderline, really. Silly.

odds and ends

Our friends at Passive Aggressive notes suggest we might also appreciate this recent post, which features "hot pockets".

Additionally, I feel the need to publicly commend reader Paul who shared this story with me via email:

You'll be happy to know that I got kicked out of a store in Omaha when I tried to photograph a sign that said "No photos allowed". The combined irony was delicious. Sadly, I was tossed before I got the photo.

Now that's commitment. Apparently the store security did not understand the potential implications of their punctuating.

I've also added a greatest hits list to the sidebar with links to my two all-time favorite posts. If you have others you'd like to nominate, let me know in the comments.

one from a book!

Reader Hillary sent me the following email

I submit the entirety of In Cold Blood. Capote's abusive quotation markage is astonishing. Just look at this abomination from the first chapter:


Mr. Clutter liked Bobby, and considered him, for a boy his age, which was seventeen, most dependable and gentlemanly; however, in the three years she had been permitted "dates," Nancy, popular and pretty as she was, had never gone out with anyone else, and while Mr. Clutter understood that it was the present national adolescent custom to form couples, to "go steady" and wear "engagement rings," he disapproved, particularly since he had not long ago, by accident, surprised his daughter and the Rupp boy kissing. He had then suggested that Nancy discontinue "seeing so much of Bobby," advising her that a slow retreat now would hurt less than an abrupt severance later -- for, as he reminded her, it was a parting that must eventually take place.


And you know those are not tiny excerpts from direct quotes, because Mr. Clutter is DEAD!

I want to claw my eyes out, but I've made it through more than 100 pages and by god I'm going to see those bastards hanged.

I'm not familiar with her source material, and therefore encourage contextualization or further comment from capable readers, even more than usual.

Congressman Ellison, if that IS YOUR REAL NAME

This picture comes from reader Paul who also writes:

I'm from Minnesota, the state that Keith Ellison represents in Congress. Until now, I always thought that his name actually was Keith Ellison, but apparently "Keith Ellison" is just a cover for his real name. Lou Alsindor? Osama bin Laden? Bill Jones?

They say that they're celebrating similarities, and welcoming differences. Apparently this includes differences in grammar.

For your "feet"

This sign was found in Holland, MI. Maybe it is in quotes because you can't buy a shoe, you can only buy them in pairs.

you know, "delivery"...

Thanks to Jim, who took this picture and snarks:

So does "delivery" mean they take the flowers halfway to your house and stop?

And "for any" occasion? Setting aside the odd words emphasized here, are they implying that there are occasions on which flowers are not appropriate? (Perhaps there are; sending flowers to someone recovering from a debilitating flower-allergy incident would probably be a no-no.)

and by "honest" we mean evil

Reader Liz also sent me this one, suggesting it is truth in advertising.

ok, I "won't"

Thanks to new reader Liz, who also provided the headline. This is classic confusing quotation marks for emphasis. Good one!

(ps. I'm on vacation, so my posting interval is likely to be even more arbitrary than normal, but I do have a backlog of submissions, so I'll try and keep it relatively steady...)

otherwise known as the "commander guy"

thanks to reader Lisa, who has been hanging onto this one for a while. Although, really, that punctuator may have been fully aware of what s/he was doing, given the 2000 election and all.

hi feminists

I'm pumped because Twisty at I Blame the Patriarchy linked here yesterday. As a result, I have several new examples in my inbox, and my hit-count increased by 2 powers of ten. I'm very pleased to have more visitors, and especially those of the smart feminist variety. I'm saving up your examples to spread them out over several days, because that's the kind of geek I am. The kind that likes things to post as close to daily as is reasonable. I feel popular. Thanks y'all.

just a "suggestion"

Reader Danielle shares this image, and this story: This sign appeared one day in each of the three stalls in the ladies restroom at my work. 'Leftovers' had me giggling like a school girl and one of the signs now hangs above my desk. Human Resources was called in to intervene.

this sign is also appropriate for the passive agressive notes blog.

that delivery guy was "great"

Reader Sheri blogged this photo here. Given her description, these quotation marks may, in fact, be appropriate.

33?

Spotted this on my bottle of Rolling Rock.
















It's a little blurry, but for some reason the number 33 is in quotes. I really have no idea why, and I don't even know a joke to make about it.

Trust Me - We're "Reliable"

Found this potpourri of unnecessary quotes all on one sign.

"Reliable"

"Reliable" Auto Repair
Highest... "Quality Standards" Available!!!
29 year "Degreed Professional"
Licensed "Master Technician" on Duty

It doesn't get much better than this.
The best line has to be:
Highest... "Quality Standards" Available!!!
Not only does it feature the superfluous quotes, but adds insult to injury with the "..." and "!!!"

Great things come in threes.

Thank you again Muskegon.

doing the "right thing"

Reader Molly has directed me to her blog post pointing out two rather delicious signs. In fact, they're so good I'm reposting them.


This is perhaps a classic example of quotation marks that could be interpreted as a wink. "Be ethical"...

I like to believe that the maker of this sign was skeptical about exactly how slippery the floor was, and made fun of the sign-designer who is clumsy.

my family was "built" ok the first time

Jim takes a lot of pictures for this blog, including this one. I don't know what this organization is doing, but I'm going to pretend it has something to do with dentures for men who have lost their teeth, and need them to be "rebuilt"...

that's "a long time"

This one comes thanks to Jim's exceptional skill with a cameraphone. Maybe I should put a fake date for the tagline of this blog - making fun of bad punctuation "since 1983" (which is of course not true - my love of unnecessary quotation marks began when I was in college, maybe 2003)

seems like a lot of work

another one from frequent contributor John. I'm not sure what they mean by "pre-arrange" in terms of car washing regardless of punctuation, but I suspect it has something to do with pulling something out of a rock or getting it from the lady of the lake. For all that I'll wash my own car.

or "frozen"

This one is also from frequent contributor John.
according to someone we don't neccesarily trust, you should "refrigerate" this watermelon.

I hope they're also "non-toxic"

reader John has sent me several images, which I am stockpiling. Here's today's. You know, I've heard that people can say something's organic without very strict guidelines, but I think this really emphasizes that. I wonder how much "organic" food this grocery store sells?

"plant watering bulb and ornament"

"plant watering bulb and ornament"
Originally uploaded by mirthmobile.

The Illumishroom plant quencher "plant watering bulb and ornament".
It's actually a glow in the dark accessory to the magic mushrooms, and not the "plant watering bulb and ornament" it winkingly claims to be.

Found in a Pueblo, Colorado grocery store.

"AA" batteries

"AA" batteries
Originally uploaded by mirthmobile.

Somehow I imagine that battery size really does matter.

not just any calendar towel

but one that may or may not actually be the original.

thanks to reader John who adds "Is there a great deal of competition in the calendars-on-towels market which might warrant clarification that this is the original? Why would you want a calendar on your towel anyway (yes, it's exactly what it sounds like - 12 month calendar on a beach towel with a small picture at the top)?"

incidentally, the "blog" also destroys the yoke

That's right. It's a "miracle and empowerment center." God makes appointments! (thanks to Jim who also supplied the post title).

"jesus" for salvation and the "blog" for unneccesary quotation marks

Jim found these two signs in the same shopping center (he says "it's like the innappropriate quotation mark fairy was going crazy all over there!"):


you know... "thai" massage... wink wink...

This one really needs no additional comment, but is also found on Jim's blog.

really sarcastic about filling safety

thanks to reader Damon who noticed this sign at a gas station in South Elgin, IL. He writes:

"I was so amused by the "warning" to "stop" one's "engine," and the
illegality of "dispensing gasoline" into improper "containers" (with or
without "an attendant on duty"), that it took a minute for me to realize
that the only phrase left unquoted was "self-service island.""

I don't think I've ever seen people use quotes instead of bullets before. Maybe we should read it like a play. It's two people talking about warnings at a self-service island.