Saturday, July 31, 2010


As submitter Wesley said: "Dude!" These cantaloupes are "Sweet!"

"chocolate nuts" eh?

I'll leave this one to your imaginations. Thanks, Ryan.

get your projectiles here

So these are for throwing. Thanks, CMM.

Friday, July 30, 2010

not ALL orders

I think you know the kinds of "orders" you shouldn't bring to the bar... take those to the back room. Thanks, Meaghan.

If you call those restrooms

There's a couple of holes in the ground back there. You don't need a key. Thanks, Matt.

get yer knockoffs here

These boots weren't made in china at all! Thanks, Caitlin.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

"wash it"

I guess pretending to wash it is good enough. Thanks Kayla.

yeah, that looks good

You guys, what our sign needed was just one punctuation mark, right there. This is perfect. Thanks, Rao.

again with the metaphors

You see, the internet is a series of tubes, and you can't.... Actually this is about art supplies, I have no idea what "dumping" is. Thanks, Allison.

it's not funny

Rimpy proposes two options here:

a) The play is actually a drama, but the theater is worried no one will pay to see anything but a comedy.

b) The play is supposed to be funny, but no one involved in the production finds it the least bit amusing.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

you see, it's a metaphor

Maybe we can spell this out for you a little more.... Thanks, Amethyst.

"toilet" can't catch

And stop calling that guy "toilet." It's demeaning. Thanks, Britta.

"eggs" eh?

So I guess this is rocks made to look like eggs in some of these cartons. Thanks, Kyla.

love "quiet" things

I guess it's quiet compared to the noises your neighbors make. Thanks, Andrea.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

looking for... people

My friend Julie spotted this at an ice cream store. I guess they are really looking for people to buy ice cream.

win a counterfeit bag!

I assume you actually get a duffle bag that somebody's soccer coach had. Thanks, Scott.

they're ok

I guess these waffle fries aren't that great. You know, that's how I feel about waffle fries in general. Sorry Chick-fil-a. Thanks, Jack.

we're calling it "lunch buffet"

I guess they are aware that they did not, in fact, invent the lunch buffet. Or buffett as the case may be. Thanks, MPR.

Monday, July 26, 2010

"air conditioned" eh?

I am trying to imagine fake air conditioning, like a fan blowing over a bowl of ice or something. Thanks, PJ.

this is where the cool stuff is

I guess if you're good at reading code, you know what you'll find back there. Thanks, Jake.

relatively sharp

Sharp enough to hurt you, not sharp enough to be useful? Thanks, Jana.

"pop" as you weirdos call it

This is obviously a soda guy in pop country. Thanks, MPR.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

if you call that a hallway

I guess they'll clean your, um, entryways? mudrooms? grand halls? Thanks, Max.

from "europe"

Maybe they do these repairs in one of those tourist towns like Helen GA, kind of like europe, but in America! Thanks, Cassy.

you mean that wolf creature?

I'm guessing there's a particular "dog" that this is targeted too. I don't know about the opening quotes with no close. Maybe the one after dog is actually a close quote for the first one... Thanks, Gabe.


Our maids do a "good job" and are "totally sober" too. Thanks, Jonathan.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

"hiring" eh?

I guess they are pretending to hire people, they might actually be looking for people to work for free. Thanks, Sara.

not a "gathering" as such

I guess pirates don't "gather" so much as they... uh... carouse? Thanks, Dennis.

fake garbage

I guess one person's trash is another person's treasure... Thanks Ann.

not so fast

Tomasz in the Netherlands explains, "Avocados from the supermarket Lidl. They were indeed a little too hard to eat. Incorrectly identifying quotation marks as unnecessary can be perilous."

Friday, July 23, 2010


I guess at 7 foot 8 inches the "clearance" gets a little sketchy. Or, erm, scratchy. Thanks, Bata.

not your real name

I am guessing "smokie" isn't what it says on the driver's birth certificate. Do bus drivers have stage names? Thanks, Sarah.

more like a lean-to

I guess it's like a carport or something. Thanks, Bata.

masquerading beans

Maybe they food color other beans. Thanks, Roshan.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

I love that song

That little ditty about breakfast, it's a good one. Thanks, Hazel.

oh, you know, "team"

Obviously one person did all the work, and that person made the sign. Thanks, Robert.

or fake old

This warehouse presents fake old stuff. You know, like pallets with an aged effect or something.... Thanks, Bryan.

"why not" indeed

Home Depot is a repeat offender, Kate spotted this one. I guess "why not" is a new incredibly weird slogan for home improvements ("why not" ignore it some more? ok!)

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Oooo so social media-y...

Blogger pointed out to me that they now have these sweet little share doobies you can add to the bottom of your posts, so I have them on there. If you like something and want to tell all your friends, now it's a click away for email, facebook, twitter, buzz etc.
It's not particularly new technology, but it's new to this blog which I try not to mess with too much (if it ain't broke...).

Also, in case you missed it, the sidebar now features a direct link to buy my book at chronicle and a link to a page of affiliate links to all the other online retailers, except Borders who keeps rejecting my application. It should be coming available pretty soon here, and I'm very excited about it!

that's what I think of

Nothing says welcoming others like off-brand cereal. And a picture of a big white house. Thanks, Kimberly.


I guess this is like the titanic was "unsinkable." Thanks, Stephen.

"chinese food" eh?

So "happy Palace" must be its english language nickname. And they obviously serve the kind of stuff that is american chinese, you know, fortune cookies, chop suy etc. Thanks Catherine.

do it DO IT!

This ATM is daring you to donate your coins here. Thanks, Megan.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

or is it decaf?

it's "not" decaf. Or is it? Just kidding. Or am I? Thanks, Edward.

mmm stale pita

Nothing says good mall food like wilted lettuce.... Thanks, Mel and Brad.

fixed voting?

I guess he'll get it whether he's elected or not. Thanks, Kathy.

talking oranges!

They either want to be eaten or think they are really nice people. Erm, fruits. Thanks, Karen.

Monday, July 19, 2010

if you call that parenting

I guess this also applies to grandparents, nannies and random adults. Thanks, Laura.

some "rose" eh?

ok, we mixed up some cheap white and cheap red. voila! new "rose". Thanks, Mark.

What company is this again?

More like... phoogle... or something. Thanks, Jason.

it's totally "monitored"

Mike writes, "I took this to mean that the chair was wired. Sorry, buddy, you've been on for 16 minutes....BOOM!!!"