new-ish

Submitter Laura suggests shipping may have taken a while.

"giant"

I guess this pumpkin isn't really that big. Thanks, Kristine.

no longer used for flying

Is it another part of the chicken? Is it not even a chicken???? Thanks, Cyndi.

LA silly-string

I've posted about this sign before, but it's featured on Boing Boing today, so in case you haven't seen it before, there it is. Posted in Hollywood, every halloween.

"themed" rooms

Maybe they have boring themes that you won't notice. For instance, a beige theme, or a room that is themed furniture, or wallpaper. Thanks, Alan.

please take the time

I love everything about this sign. The opening quotation marks, the elipses, the weird syntax, all of it. Thanks, Shannon.

"almost painless." sure.

Now with bonus misplaced you're! Thanks, Tanya.

this "lid"

Is it a lid? Is it trash? Should you take it? Thanks, Augie.

how about your superego?

You have to check something anyway. Thanks, Jason.

no mushy drives either I guess

Mitchell asks "Who is worse: the engineer who threw a hard drive into the paper to shred bin, or whoever wielded the sharpie afterwards?"

exit to "hallway"

This is where we trap the people for our sinister purposes, in the "hallway." Thanks, Nikki.

"happy" enough anyway

This receptionist will attempt to hide her distain for your inability to find paperclips yourself. Thanks, James.

"only" then

If you're special, you can get a transfer whenever you want. Thanks, Matthew.

"best value lot"

I'm guessing "best value lot" is a song, maybe it's about the low payment ale. Sounds like a great beer. Thanks, Kathy.

sounds "convenient"

Submitter Kathy quips, "as a recent home buyer, I shudder to think of what "service" one would get if it belonged in quotes...."

we have "some" policies

(click to enlarge) These policies have really boring real names, like numbers or something, so we use these nicknames! Thanks, Andrea.

more like parasols really

Buy these non-working umbrellas! Thanks, Jon.

"fudge"

This. Is. Terrifying. Thanks, Eli.

"monday" or something

You know, because it's labor day, it's kind of like saturday. But it's still monday. Or something. Thanks, Joe.

but don't touch anything

We mean that "feeling" in a purely figurative manner. Any sensations experienced in the store are purely incidental. Thanks, Megan and family.

it's very "safe"

So this is where people steal your rent check. Thanks, Doug.

unexpected

I found this yesterday on the shredder in my department's lounge. Either somebody planted this for me to find, or our new office manager put it there. Obviously, not something I could resist.

somebody's kids

We're all about feeding those kids you kidnapped. These creepy clowns won't freak them out at ALL. Thanks, Dave.

play "free"

I don't know what you have to supply for your kids to play mini-golf, but I don't think it's really free. Thanks, Jessica.

MORE halibut

These guys got their halibut from that same shop! Thanks, Theo.

yeah, sounds like it

Shawn suggests that Gene might be more of a sour nightmare.

fresh BRANDED

I'm not saying this herring was recently alive, I'm saying it came from this store called "fresh." Thanks, Katy.

"any" job

This is easier to read if you click and enlarge. My favorite part is it's 25% off the unknown price of "any" job. Sounds like a "good deal." Thanks, Gabe.

suuuuure

They don't want you to get diabetes "at all." "Seriously." Thanks MPR.

porn: still turning everything in to euphemisms

Where's Barny Stinson when I need him? I guess they're calling it "grab bag" these days... Thanks, Mike.

if you can call this an office

Aaron spotted this at an Elementary School in Ohio. Somebody is so dissatisfied with their alleged office, they haven't bothered to write any hours when they will be in.

most riders

I guess some special people get to ride for free. Thanks, Ross.

if you call that a flash

Mike spotted this at the Kennedy Space Center. I guess these NASA folks aren't real impressed with your little camera flashes, have you seen the stuff they make?

wait, huh?

So, wait, the paper is asking me to not flush because of the paper towels in the toilet? Or did thank you say it? Thanks, Darryl.

reasonable times

These times, they are pretty ok. I would maybe say "good" but maybe not. Best put it in quotation marks. Thanks, Brittany.

real genuine

I can tell from this letter that the "hospitality" is from the bottom of their hearts. Nothing to do with your money. Thanks, Dale.

mm "fruit"

James spotted this at a vendor near his work. Sounds like some tasty fake fruit here.

"board of regents" eh?

So there's some kind of secret meeting on this university campus, over here. Thanks, Matt!

"tree nuts" eh?

You people with your mysterious "nut" allergies! Thanks, Ernesto.

some other kind of spirit?

Maybe this is some commentary about the loose relationship of school sports and the actual school. Thanks, Brad.

oh, the "buckets"

This place has pretend BUCKETS. Awesome. Thanks, Stephanie and James.

some "improvement"

The submitter spotted this in NYC. I assume "Station Improvements Project" is a codename for some crazy underground CIA stuff.

yeah, sure

Submitter Christa writes, "Having dealt with this company in my line of work, I can actually say the quotes here are unintentionally appropriate. They are so "easy to do business with", we have reported them to the Better Business Bureau."

sounds "healthy"

Amy spotted this double-header at the Dutchess County Fair in New York. I guess the shakes are made from fruit roll-ups and the milkshakes are fatty.

"Hurry"

See, it's like the sign is yelling at you. And shouting signs, that's URGENT. Thanks, Jon.

riiight

These eggs are "totally" "safe." You "wont" get salmonella at all! Thanks, Jayme and Jacob.

most people welcome

I feel like the person making this sign was less than sincere. Thanks, Merrick.

international

Martin translates these headlines from the Swedish as Course "Better Self-Esteem" and Course "Positive Thinking." He suggests that the Swedes are not too optimistic about their ability to stay positive after all.

"insurance"

Aaron saw this at a post office, but I think it would be funnier if it was in an insurance office. So I guess this is one of those "insurances" that mysteriously becomes worthless when you need it.