for the "oral" assesments

Patrick spotted this in the junk pile at the library he works at. I guess the requirements for "oral" police exams have changed.

"day" care

You know, they care for you whenever, but they always tell your elderly parents it's daytime. Thanks, Dave.

"sorry closed"

Yeah, I'm real "sorry" every time I'm on vacation too. The smiley face says it all. Thanks, Rachel.

"Free" Leonard

You know, Leonard can never be truly free. Thanks, Elijah.

"lock your car"

Submitter Cyndy suggests that this is a quotation from her mom. I think they don't actually want you to lock your car, so they can get your stereo without breaking a window.

We've "Brown rice"

The unusual use of the contraction aside, I think they put some soy sauce on white rice. Voila! brown! Thanks, Von.

tell it like it is

You know, it's still ice cream. You wouldn't want it without a little fat in it... Thanks, Bill.

present at the finals?

This trophy must mark a real "accomplishment." Thanks, Lynn.

try something newish

You know, eating Bison is something americans have done for a while, but it might be "new" to you! Thanks, Meredith.

don't notice

I guess they are hoping you actually ignore this sign. Thanks, Jon.

"the genuine article"

Never having consumed a cornish pastry myself, I can only assume they are singing food, and "the genuine article" and "entirely handmade" are the hits. Thanks, Declan.

"hand dipped" eh?

Yeah, this candy is "better than good" it's "delicious" and you totally "want" to eat it. Thanks, Jenesis.

"world" eh?

Graffiti rarely makes sense to me and my bourgeoise sensibilities, but this one is so profoundly confusing, juxtaposed against such bright colors that I had to share it. Thanks to submitter William Raillant-Clark.

Double "D"

Because we mean, uh, "D" the letter. Not something else. Or bra sizes. Not at all. Thanks, Andria.

the "real" door

You see, the door this is posted on is a simulation of a door, and the one over there is just an empty space with a curtain in it. Thanks, Rich.

It's "private property"

this woman is totally going to get you to buy a national park. Thanks, Adam.

Depends on when you read it I guess

I like that there is no specifying tomorrow of when anywhere on this flier. You know, "tomorrow." This is "not" a scam at all. Thanks, submitter who didn't sign your name.

"only" for "recycling" or something

Submitter Chris points out the inconsistent placement of the quotation marks. I guess they really are serious about the exclusivity of the trash bin.

fake polite, real duck

I try to keep from posting too many examples of "please" but I couldn't resist this one, with the duck in the background. I assume that the duck is not feeling so polite about wanting to be left alone. Thanks, David.

"discount" plumbing eh?

So, is "discount" code for not so great? Thanks, Monica.

"borders" "blowout"

It's just a metaphorical event where something like borders are just blowing. out. everywhere. Yeah. Thanks, Kaija.

lots of "fruit"

Submitter Chani translates this as: more "raspberries", less sugar.

At least we know this jelly isn't made out of actual berries.

in this general area

Just deposit your gels around here. More or less. Thanks, Michael.

ok, the counter is used

I guess they are only faking closing the gas station. It's not like they are putting bars over the drive through. Thanks, Tim!

"closed door"

You see, the command in quotation marks is willing the condition of a "closed door" into reality. Thanks, Jenna.

fake tofu?

It might actually be chicken. Fair warning, vegetarians. Thanks, Thomas and Eli.

Excuse my enui

I like the existential quality the quotation marks give this one. Thanks, Suzanne.

close "both doors" they say

Yeah, you know, the "doors" you better close "both" of them. Because that is "important." Thanks, Peter.

really fake polite

Nothing says good etiquette like limiting the number of students allowed in the store at once. Oh, wait, quotation marks around the word "please" might put it over the edge. Thanks, LLA.

maybe it's a command. in code.

I was shocked to discover on searching my archives that I have seen this sign before on a DIFFERENT BUILDING. But I now believe the sign is a secret code asking you to "treasure" "bud's" "chest" if you know what I mean (I don't). Thanks, Shannon.

nice slogan

I like how ambiguous this is. What constitutes a large amount? Are you just quoting someone else? Is this your catch phrase? I suggest "thar she blows!" as an alternative.

"from" your account, riiight.

Hey this ATM may or may not actually take the money "from" your account! Sweet. Thanks, Mark.

Oh, I see.

I wonder if the kettlekorn makers have a broad definition of what counts as a disability. Thanks, Noah.

"personalized" eh?

Your genetic counseling also might apply to people like siblings and offspring, I guess. Maybe they reuse old ones. Thanks Sonya!

"go around" they say

I guess there's a little through traffic. You know, if you're nice. Thanks, Margaret.

"hand graded" eh?

Sounds like the graders on these exams used the dartboard method. Thanks, Thomas.

"think" positive

Well, if you call that thinking, anyway. Thanks, Nan.

the "greatest" mural, eh?

More like the third-greatest, but we weren't about to write that on the sign. Thanks, Sandra.

at least it's not the "3" hour tour?

Joe also notes that his wife would not let him sign up for "comfort touch."

now with double negatives

See, the quotation marks make the double negative not negate itself. Exactly. Thanks, Todd.

if you call that alcoholic

If you want some of our watery beer, you know, for a friend, pull out your fake, buddy. Thanks, Sara.

Punctuation in the News

Readers of this blog may be interested in this Slate article, on the issue of whether end punctuation belongs inside or outside quotation marks.

Or do you?

You know, "hair" "extensions," that's something you definitely want on or near your head. Thanks, Gavi.

use pretend care

This one is a little hard to read, but it tells you twice to handle sunglasses "carefully." So maybe they have an insurance policy on them for market value? Thanks, Jessica.

you can't hide from signs?

I'm glad I got one of these before the alleged judgment day. (I found this post by a historian of American Religion about this group interesting). I guess the person who wrote this sign is hedging his or her bets about who exactly is going to judge you on May 21. Might just be the sign writer. Thanks, Eric.

quotation marks for racial discomfort?

Because if you make awkward racist puns, putting them into quotation marks makes sure everybody gets it. or something. Thanks, Sarah and Bill.

time for a vote

Alright everybody, I'm on the fence about this one. On the one hand, the waterworks and electric company in monopoly are not actual utilities providing everyone a service. On the other hand, we can't be putting quotation marks around every symbolic item in a board game, that would be ridiculous! So what do you think, readers, quotation marks necessary, acceptable or totally silly??

Thanks for the photo James.

"free" air miles

Nothing like "free" stuff that has "no" strings attached at all! Thanks, MPR.

as in "wild and crazy"

This salmon, of course, belongs in this comedy sketch. It's some "wild" and crazy salmon!

just fake it

I guess rinsing them off might be good enough here. Thanks, Brent.