"smoke free"

These bingo games, "nobody" "smokes" anything. Definitely not tobacco. Or pot. Thanks, Steve.

so slang, eh?

So you can get your coffee stolen or murdered, I guess. Thanks, Kathy.

"dangerous"

You know, it's dangerous for WIMPS. Thanks, Matt.

"?"

I guess if you ask the manager it won't be a sincere question. I don't know why you'd want to be a "raving fan" anyway. At least it's not real raving. Thanks, Brenton.

Quotation Mark jokes found elsewhere

Gianluca assures me this is funny if you play magic the gathering.

quotation marks ON A CHAIR

That's right. This CHAIR is sarcastic about whether you should move it or not. I guess it is on wheels. Thanks, Matthew.

the "pink basket"

This one is easier to read if you click to enlarge. I guess it's more polite to call it the "pink basket" than to use it's official name, the pee-pee repository. Thanks, Stacey.

sure it is

You have to pay for our cups, for, um, "sanitary" reasons. Thanks, Lee.

sandwich like amalgams

I assume the "sandwiches" are some bread and lettuce and fish stacked in an unexpected way, that could, potentially, constitute a sandwich. Thanks, Shannon!

be "prepared"

I guess you can never truly prepare for this salsa. You know, like hell. Thanks, Brent.

free-ish

I guess if you just walk in looking for breakfast that's not going to work out for you. Thanks, Kevin.

"fudge"

I guess it's some sorry excuse for fudge? I don't know how to make sense of this if it's from mackinac island. Thanks, Amy!

more quotation marks on tv

I'm unfamiliar with this show called Corner Gas, but Kelly pointed me to this clip, which has two segments around unnecessary quotation marks, and it's pretty good. I may have to catch more of these!

semi-alive

I guess this giant pig is either animatronic, a zombie, or not living very well. Thanks, Jenni.

the "real" one

I think what's really unnecessary here is bringing up the authenticity of Santa Claus in the first place. Just sayin'. Thanks, Marek.

sure you are

I'm sure you're real "sorry" you don't have to clean up after other people using the bathroom. Thanks, Shannon.

"grilled"

So they painted those little grill lines on. Especially on the lemonade. Thanks, Derek.

please.....

I want to know what part of the quotation was left out here. Insults? Something unrelated? Just saying. Thanks, Sharyl.

vintage

This place uses antique and recycled toothpicks, it seems. Thanks, Ray.

right

Yeah, I'm sure that healthier burger is "delicious" and stuff. Thanks, Rebecca.

"homemade"

Lydia spotted this in Colorado. I guess this fudge was not actually made in somebody's house.

"Thank" "You"

It's the thanksgiving holiday in the US today, and I'll be spending the day cooking and giving thanks. I have plenty to be thankful for, and a loyal blog audience is one of them. Especially those of you who send in pictures. As the image above says. "Thank" "you." I thought it apt to celebrate with the above cornucopia of quotation marks regarding the "moveing" day for this "mall" after "9" years. Thanks, Stacy!

selling "pillows"

I don't know what's really for sale here, but I'm guessing it's not so soft and fluffy. Thanks, Ciera.

in other words, our bottom line

I am sure glad to have these people looking out for a pretend environment! Thanks, nameless submitter.

sounds like a "respectable" "degree"

Submitter Wayne writes, "Perhaps this is reverse psychology? Whatever it is, apparently they want people from some department to bring some number of CD-RW disks."

No "Video taping" "please"

Submitter Tyler tells us these signs are from a pet-themed trinket store. These must be some pretty sweet trinkets, since you can't mime photographing them, and they are only fake polite about keeping your kid's dirty mits off.

classic-ish

Those towels are NOT actually made out of diamonds. Thanks for clarifying, ad. Thanks, Jason.

a "problem"

I'm not sure if "problem" here is a euphemism for "stench" or something else. Thanks, Kate.

Or your doppelganger

Luis spotted this in Venezuela and helpfully translates "Dear customer, to avoid misunderstandings, we ask you to please come "yourself" to the checkout counter to pay your bill." So I guess somebody impersonating you will do.

near here

The phone isn't up here at sign height, that would just be ridiculous. Thanks, Nikki.

how lowbrow!

You see, this drink is served in a quaint aluminum container, known as a "can." Thanks, Andy.

suuure it isn't

It might not be a loan, but you might start getting charged for "protection" from mold at some point... Thanks, Seth.

gotta love those "charities"

I assume that "Charities in our local community" is code for "dinner for the person who empties this box." Thanks, Rachel.

"get one free" you say?

I guess "donut with hole" is their fancy nickname for the cheap kind of donuts. I wonder what really happens? Thanks Kimberly.

my kind of place

All Brooke told me is that this is University of Chicago Regenstein Library. I assume if you stand in the middle, you become ironic.

more codes

I can only imagine what you're really going to "experience" here. Thanks, Peter.

they have diamonds?

They have slush? I'm not sure. Thanks, Aaron.

"don't" do it

So I'm guessing Bob!!! is the person who actually can take products into the restroom. Right? Thanks, Nick.

"puh-leeese"

Brian suggests that this "please" is either threatening or desperate. I like the idea of threatening myself.

also, boullion pun

Alkan writes "I'd be a bit leary of buying "gold" and "silver" from a reputable seller like this pawn shop."

"customer" "scale"

I don't know, is this a dishonest scale for, um, "tough customers?" Thanks, Lila.

"knock" don't "ring" eh?

So this is probably a code for the people who deliver contraband, right? Thanks, AGB.

that's wild

Maybe some preservatives? That's pretty tame. Thanks, Nathan.

"bed bugs"

I wonder what kind of bugs they really kill? Thanks, Ignacio.

this ladder-like thing

You can't use it to stand on and reach high things, but it's still a "ladder." Thanks, Julia!

something like flatware

I guess the plastic nature of these knives and forks do make them kind of... quotation mark worthy. Thanks, Rickie.

one-ish

You know, since they started charging for checked baggage, I've noticed how the meaning of "one" bag has become a bit more flexible for some people. (Though on my last experience we all got a pre-emptive scolding at the gate). Thanks, Steve.

not so helpful

(sorry for the delayed posting today, travel got the better of me)

I guess they don't find this hint that helpful. Snobs. Thanks, Fred.

interfere away

I think this sign is daring you to electrocute yourself. Thanks, Louise in Australia.

"closed" door policy?

Dodd spotted this in his office. I guess the door is closed FIGURATIVELY.

your "wedding pictures." sure.

Submitter Amy suggests U-haul thinks your wedding is a sham, I wonder if the most valuable pictures are something requiring euphemism.

this means you, "only"

I mean seriously. Stop ringing the bell, it isn't for you! Thanks, Lane.