"police" will be called

I wonder how you might get "arrested" for fake "shoplifting." Also, this poster seems to follow the same hyphen conventions as this old favorite. Thanks, Renee.

the store is "around the corner" you say?

I assume "around the corner" is some kind of song, or famous quotation, having to do with the food store. Thanks, Cathy.

out of something

Who knows the real reason the bathroom is out of order. Thanks, A.J.

A "great" year eh?

Submitter Audrey got this from her piano teacher, who apparently thinks what she's doing is barely even considered "Piano." Perhaps "congratulations" would be more appropriate?

existential door

Mark spotted this one and offers the following interpretations from his facebook friends: Is it a theoretical door? Is this some kind of philosophical directive regarding following through with opportunity? How do you even close a "door" improperly?

"groceries"

Oh, I thought "craft" "beers" meant beers cheap enough you can use them in a craft. Sorry. Thanks, Mike.

it's a "dollar bill"

Oh man, a fake dollar bill, that is a seriously great gumball prize that is totally persuading me to spend my quarter. Thanks, J.

sometimes called our "timeshare pitch"

Maybe they have rotating non-worship events in this church-like building? Thanks, Denise.

only a little smoking

You see, we have a "No Smoking" "policy" but you know, that's flexible. Thanks, Andrea.

do it "slowly"

I guess it's ok if you do it fast but then do some slow motion gestures. Thanks, Clark.

"Add" a shot

I'm not sure what you really need to do with that espresso shot. It might resemble adding. Thanks, Jeff.

last week it was "lava!"

Yeah, it's totally "acid" on the floor, you have to jump from chair to chair and sometimes step on the throw pillows. "No" entry at all. Thanks, Dan.

It's called soylent green!

I have to say, it's the "pork" part that concerns me most. And it might not even be the best! Thanks, Rosalie.

"world famous" eh?

Depends on your definition of "world" I guess. Thanks, Sarah.

as we like to say...

This sign is a monument to that one time our administration said "please watch your step." Thanks, Nicole.

what do you "know"?

I am not sure what kind of "knowing" is taking place here, sounds sketchy. Thanks, Teresa.

yeah go ahead and "eat" that

Get some food for you to stare at! It's a great idea. Thanks, Nance.

this one is about "your" "ID"

They absolutely "do" "not" serve "alcohol" to "minors" here. No fake IDs, or "anything." Thanks, Peggy.

you know, a "tradesperson"

Emily spotted this at the American Legion, where they have some "needs" in somebody's kitchen.

"free deliveries"

These "free deliveries" must be pretty expensive. Thanks, Erin.

items "reduced"

Ok, the best part here is the modifier, it seems like the items might have been made SMALLER, not CHEAPER, the quotation marks just enhancing the effect. Thanks, Christine.

I sure feel "welcomed"

They really "want" you to go in to this Kroger. Thanks, Jason.

sets it on really, I suppose

Ithyle writes, "If this lady next to me keeps smacking her gum I am going to go 'off' on her." I don't know that I can improve on that.

it's a "gemstone"

These cruise passengers are about to get a rock somebody picked up on their way into the office, I think. Thanks, Jack.

Just "ask"

Jack spotted this on a recent trip to Alaska. I don't know if I want to find out what happens if you really ask the bartender.

Door must be "closed"

Again with the fantastic, contemporary-looking clip art. I guess you can open the door if you are going to walk through it? Thanks, Leigh.

Grammar Girl explains quotation marks

Want to know if you're using quotation marks right or if I will make fun of you? Here's a good guide. Not that I won't make fun of you for something else, but probably not on this blog...

"remodeled"

Perhaps those more familiar with home repair have some ideas what kind of "remodeling" might have taken place. Termite-enhanced? Thanks, Jamie.

not really

In fact, it's just glass, glass and more glass. Glass all the way down. Thanks, Brett.

"cupcakes" eh?

Perhaps this is fair warning that the cupcakes you pay $2.50 for do not resemble the ones you had at childhood birthday parties. Unless, of course, they are. Thanks, Hopita.

somewhat restful rooms

Submitter Chris quips, "I guess this room is not really for the normal resting we're used to."

"no bags" as you say

I guess garbage bags are ok? Thanks, Jon-Anthony.

"Pioneers" you say?

I can't decide if the pony express guy and the word "pioneers" is meant to suggest they descended from the pony express, or admit they didn't. Thanks, Wolfe.

cash-like

I guess they might take a few things, you know "cash" in addition to cash. Thanks, Derf.

"sorry" about the "nachos"

They seem uncertain whether or not these things should be called nachos or not, so I guess it's ok if they aren't really sorry you have to spend your EBT on something more closely resembling food. Thanks, Abigail.

Don't start sending me a million of these

There are plenty of websites to make your "friends" into "enemies" by exposing their facebook posts, so I don't usually post this kind of thing, but the combination of sweet and funny here just tickled me too much. Thanks, Bron.

is it not really a wall?

I'm at a loss as to what a non-literal meaning of this one could be. Maybe "towards wall" is some kind of catch phrase? Thanks, Erik.

Still serving it in North America?

Jacob spotted this in Colorado, and notes the menu also includes a listing for "pad thai." I guess that's further evidence that what they actually are serving is American Thai Food, not the same thing they serve in Thailand.

win an "ultimate wash"

I guess the "ultimate wash" isn't that great if the "winner" needs "congratulations." Thanks, Andy.

"new" $5 bills

I guess there's nothing new about... money? As a side note, I guess I don't handle cash often, because I did not know the bill had been redesigned and had purple on it now, I thought this might be from another country besides the U.S. Thanks, Erika.

Go ahead and "jiggle" it

Hrm, this sounds "dirty." Just saying. Thanks, Toni.

so, um, gluten free?

I wonder what's really in these pitas. Thanks, Dan.

"all natural" eh?

I wonder what kind of unnatural insecticides they have on these onions. Thanks, Darryl.

orly?

Hopita spotted this on an old fire escape in Brooklyn. I guess this one aged itself into appropriateness.

"gluten free"

There might be a LITTLE bit of gluten in the pizza. That's not a problem for you, right? Thanks, George.

not really automatic?

Actually there's a house elf behind the mirror turning it on and off for you. Thanks, Asha.

alcoholic is a flavor?

I'm trying to figure out what would make something not exactly flavored. Maybe the flavors are not new, and also don't taste like the label says? Thanks, Tal.

Sorry posting has been spotty lately, the beginning of the school year has thrown off my routines. I should be getting back into a groove soon.

when was he founded exactly?

I love this one because 1) it appears the founding date refers to Mr. Atcas. 2) the quotation marks imply that it is inaccurate. Perhaps because people are generally born, not founded. 3) unless Mr. Atcas is a cyborg? Thanks Benjamin.

be "careful"

As submitter Sydney observes, "I guess it isn't a very scary bear and we only need to use the pretend caution."

"please" "do not" "touch"

So wait, should I touch it, then? I mean, if you're going to be fake polite about it. Thanks, Joy.

code campground

This campground is really serious. About... something. Thanks Charlie.