ROUSes

yeah, it's "mice" we have here. Not something infinitely more terrifying. Thanks, Stella.

some kind of life

Ok, some of those experiences may have been on tv. The large green quotation marks, of course, are actually marking a quotation, and are therefore unfunny. Thanks, Mike.

as we call it

And over here is what we would like to call the "lamb and veal section." So if anybody ever tells you to meet them at the "lamb and veal section" you'll know where to go. Thanks, Eric.

ok, a few things

there may be some things we weren't planning to sell that we would part with for a good enough offer... Thanks, Erin.

some kind of pedal

I don't know what else you might call a foot pedal, but I guess that's the slang name for it. Thanks, Jian.

American-ish

These flags, I guess they are for fake americans. Or something. Thanks, Charlie, who also notes that this was among civil war memorabilia, which might provide some hint as to the meaning.

theoretically cuban

At least, that's what they tell us they eat in cuba. None of us have ever been there.

sort of required

You know, if your mom drops you off or something, then you don't have to park there. Thanks, Chris.

closed to you anyway

I guess this store is sometimes only open to those in the know. Thanks, Kathy.

you say this comes from mexico? charming!

Eric spotted this one at a country club and suggests they are intentionally inauthentic, in a WASPy way.

sounds fun

I am trying to guess what these "rides" are. You drive a beater car over a bumpy road? A burly guy picks you up and carries you around? Probably something scary. Thanks, Claire.

you know, "water"

this isn't mountain dew, it's "water"! Silly. Thanks, Drew.

rat-tail removals

I don't know what they are really cutting for how much. Ben saw this in the Silverlake area of LA, do they have a fleet street?

"dealers only"

Matthew saw this at a flea market. I guess a variety of people can park near the building, you know, all the ones who totally "need to" register.

openish

I guess the place is only open to people they like. That may or may not include you. Thanks, Mike.

the people called your neighbors

The people who live next door to you will not be there, but folks that have "your neighbors" as their nickname totally will. Thanks, Brandon.

Paul McCartney: Kindred Spirit

I stole this excellent photo from this blog, after a tip from Ed. I think the look on Paul McCartney's face says "I wish I had a blog to make fun of this, whatever blogs are."

totally impatient

You wouldn't believe what this infomercial actor was like. Let's just say she was real "patient" getting into that fat suit. Thanks, Glenn.

somebody is going to die, I think

There is some serious code-talking in this sign. Either there's going to be a showdown, or everyone gets pot at a time known as "high" "noon". Thanks, Jenni.

this needs "fixing"

This door! with all the opening and closing! won't somebody "fix" it for me? Thanks, Emily.

something like quality

there's nothing I like more than a measley portion of "quality" meat... Thanks, Brad.

or whatever you do

George spotted this one at Johnson Space Center in Houston. I wonder what they've been pouring in the water fountain. Maybe SPACE COFFEE.

except not money

The grammar police spotted this one. I guess it's not EXACTLY like getting money in your mailbox.

not US as such

The kids on the bus are not the ones that want you. Put the candy away. Thanks, Matt.

not so special

I guess this is the regular stuff you can eat for a midnight snack. Thanks, Michael.

half-baked?

Jared and Laura sent this in. I guess the bacon still needs some cooking or something.

"seeded"

Well, the sign later clarifies that these watermelons have seeds, but I guess nobody came along and seeded them, it's not like a VERB or something. That would be ridiculous. Thanks, Anna.

as it were

I imagine that these quotation marks are to indicate that the driver is a person who wouldn't normally use an expression so foul as "shit" but in this case, for a fancy airbrushed car decor, they are making an exception. Thanks, Bren.

"when" does it work?

I've got to say, the best one about this one is the increasing number of punctuation marks at the end of the sign, indicating resignation and disgust. I mean, hello, it does "not" work. Thanks, Kelley.

fresh-ish

I guess, from this sign, that the fruit cups are not from locally picked fruit that is then sliced and cupped that day. Thanks, Laura.

"starbucks"

Some dude who we call "Starbuck" made this coffee. People think it comes from some big company, I don't know why... Thanks, Dylan.

a little bit of a trash dump

Guys! I found one all by myself! I was going on my semi-frequent subway run when I saw this sign on the neighboring building. I guess "not a trash dump" is really the best you can ask of drunk college students.
Related story: my friend James witnessed a woman running around topless in this very parking lot last spring yelling about being done with college and not caring anymore.

you know, "salmon"

Steve writes, "I have heard some sushi places use cheaper fish (such as tilapia) in place of salmon or tuna. Guess I know for sure what I will be getting from these guys."

fake renovations, happening all the time

No no, it's not a run down, crappy place, we're "renovating"! Thanks, Lee.

like a cheap bra

I guess they hope you'll lend poor support to such mediocre friends. By buying a hot dog. Thanks, Allie.

Alfies "pub"

I like the idea that Alfies is actually the place where tough guys get together to drink tea and knit. You know, a "pub." Thanks, Scott.

some transrats

I guess rat gender, like people gender, is less clear than we were led to believe. Thanks, Kalera.

or whatever it is

I wonder what they really think people are going to pay with, if it's not an alleged debit card. Thanks, Brian.

what are they really driving?

I guess one person's "needy" is another person's "attentive". Thanks, anonymous submitter.

we'll pretend to love it

Nobody is that enthusiastic about signs. Not even sign-makers. Thanks, Jason.

if you call those vegetables

I wonder what's really in this soup. Bugs? Grass? Thanks, TjL.

it's our "cottage"

Poor Marsupials are probably expecting a cozy place in the Hamptons with pool access. Thanks, Nicole.

seriously

Chris spotted this at a dry cleaners in a college town in upstate NY. I love these things: 1) must it or not? 2) so can I use a card? 3) you have to make a sign about vomit? it's that common?

what an "event"!

I had to deliver this series just as I got it from Tammy, and give you her explanation:
We moved to Hoquiam last year, and these small towns are fond of putting up Burma Shave style signs for local events. This series from Ocean Shores WA this week cracked me up. They are very nicely done on wood with routed lettering, so they really "mean" it.

That "derby" is sure going to be fun (and expensive) at the secret date they have it.

as you gringos misprounounce...

Jenna writes: Saw this at a bar in Cabo, Mexico. I think the quotes around “gracias” translate into “thanks a lot, asshole.”

"works" "well"?

KC sent me this one. Good to have a nutritional formula "that works". Or works for SOMETHING anyway.

as our super once said

This is from Keith's apartment building. Good slogan, apartment building.

usually good

I mean, if you let it sit in the pot all week, it won't be good anymore. I mean, seriously. Thanks, Bill.