not really lost

Actually the writer of this note knows exactly who took their spoon holder, but figures they have a better chance of getting it back if they say it's "lost" instead of stolen. Thanks, Joshua.

fact:

I like this one because it looks like Dwight Schrute is saying it. With quoty fingers. Thanks, Kat.

stakes for "tents"

suuuurrre that's what you're going to use them for. Thanks, Shane Marie.

imposter cashier

Looks like somebody who looks like a cashier stands under this sign. Thanks, Deanna in Heidelberg.

heroin and a snake?

See related PAN post here. Lisa spotted this one, which promises ambiguous substances and animals.

keep your friends "close"

I don't know if this is some crazy New Orleans slang, or if you are supposed to carry the door around with you or what. Thanks, Mico and Cuica.

career unfair

I don't know, I think career "fairs" without the caricature artist, games and prizes are less fair-like than this one, but ok sign. Thanks, Jim.

now that's "fresh"

Zak suggests, "Either they are selling rotten meat, or DJ Jazzy Jeff is behind the grill."

or so they claim

You know how pdf files go on and on about how "large" they are.... whatevs. Thanks, David.

Please slack off

Hey, you. Do a mediocre job of "cleaning." Thanks, AV.
(two "clean" things in a row, what is this, swine flu season?)

relatively clean

Of course, even if it looks spotless it may still be COVERED WITH GERMS! Enjoy your meal! Thanks, Amanda.

it depends on what your definition of "is" is

Robin spotted this outside of a senior center. I suppose there may be an existential debate about the quality requied for a "party" to be "had."

is this a conversation, or a list of titles?

Because that triple quotation mark around "no exception" makes things a bit more confusing. "This means you" anonymous submitter!

is anything truly authentic?

Jack saw this on his trip to Gettysburg PA and writes, "We saw a brochure for various attractions that touted "authentic" reproductions of our First Ladies' inaugural gowns. This made me think deeply about the concept of "authenticity." Is it like truthiness? My brain hurts."

wait for it...

This sign is full of suspense! They may or may not accept.............. Deliveries! phew. Thanks, Tim.

great quote

Oh man, that one was classic. Who said that, Mark Twain? I'm glad somebody bothered to write it down. Thanks, Scott.

good slogan

1) I love that they thought to ask people not to write on the notice which is in a little plastic folder also. 2) it's apparently their slogan. Thanks, Matt.

good deal

So I don't know if they are selling bags of diamonds or cocaine for a dollar, but that seems pretty cheap. Thanks, Sherri.

sounds like something to be proud of

Sarah sent me this one. I guess the writing center is skeptical about their real contribution.

no... now!

I'm guessing these quotation marks were to guard against you thinking they wanted you to order your flowers today in case the sign still existed now. Smart. Thanks, Drew.

Happy Thanksgiving

unlike some people, I believe thanksgiving is a real holiday. Have a good holiday, U.S. readers. I'm thankful for you too, everybody else!
Thanks for the photo, Jenn.

you go right ahead

So I guess this is a stripper company. Maybe it's hot cops! Thanks, Bud.

"payment" as it were

I don't know what kind of "payment" they are expecting at the "window," but it sounds exciting. Thanks, Jacques.

you know, "common sense"

I like how the part in quotation marks is actually one of the few things meant literally. Or MAYBE IT ISN'T.
Thanks Bata.

sure it is

I think pepperoni is already ambiguous enough that something that barely qualifies as pepperoni seems pretty scary. Thanks, Mike.

can I use it though?

Don't pantomime using this toaster. That would be bad. Thanks, Scott.

that is a work of art

I'm glad this warning comes with its own title. That makes it easier to cite in academic papers. Thanks, Blair.

go ahead, say it

This sign really wants you to say, ungrammatically, "how I can save money!?" That's Wal-mart for you. Trying to make smart people sound dumb. Thanks, Mehgan.

How do you like them "apples"?

I guess crabapples and imaginary apples are also available for picking. Thanks, Jesse.

I see how this is

I watched Scrubs. I know what goes on in "Supply Closets." (hint: it's makeouts). Thanks Mike, who also posted here.

drag queen... something else?

I guess they are selling padded bras here and pretending they are wigs? Thanks, Caitlin.

great quote

Winston Churchill, right? Thanks, James.

"please"

You jerky outsiders and your annoying parking. We are not interested in being polite to you, really. Thanks, Sarah.

kind of tame

Really these salmon have an inflated idea of how crazy their night life is. Thanks, Becky.

"world famous"

These hot dogs are sort of famous somewhere. Thanks, Kristen.

the quotes go around the quotation, kids

I think the church janitor may have crossed the line when he decided his new nickname was "God." Thanks, Patrick.

if you insist on calling that thing a dog

More like a pig, amiright? Thanks, Angie.

keep doing that

I mean, if you were really thinking, you might avoid fast food. So thanks for pretend thinking. And thanks for sending this in, Darlene.

code words everywhere

I have no idea what it means to walk with an "old x-ray." It's probably code for some terrible punishment. Thanks, Kiron.

bagel code

I want to have a secret code in bagels, that sounds delicious. Thanks, Julie.

I see what's going on here

So "noon" means "whenever I show up at the store, how's 9ish?" Thanks, William.

in this life anyway

Is it just me, or do the quotation marks make this sign seem threatening? Thanks, Jason.

totally ordinary

Typical Mongolian Beef just doesn't sound that appetizing. Thanks, Jill.

as we call them

Really they are pinto beans and some food coloring. Thanks, Lisa.

said the wolf

Kristy spotted this outside a wolf's cage at the zoo. Either the wolf is being sarcastic, or this is an actual quotation from the wolf.

or your doppelganger

There is someone we value. It may or may not be you. Thanks, Jeremy.

someday

Oh man, non-events. They are so "fun." Thanks, Patrick.

if you call that candy

Nothing like something you can barely call candy. Maybe it's "healthy" or something. Thanks, Kiersten.

some "deal"

I guess it's not much of a deal. Thanks, Miklos.

west-south-west really

Aaron spotted this one at Portland State University. I guess the traffic is going west-ish.