Must be alien abduction! Spooky!
How does anyone obtain a grocery cart? Aren't they always stolen?
You can buy little personal grocery carts in NY. But I don't know what kind of monster would steal one.
I see where you were going with this one, but I think the quotations are used properly. He is saying the "person," because whoever did this probably considers themselves to be a "person." The ex-owner of the shopping cart believes that whoever stole it is a F#@$% piece of $h&#!!! But is trying to be civil, albeit in a very passive aggressive way.
Another way to read the note is that John Morris, AKA "The Doorman," is actually the "person" accused of the heinous cart crime. After all, the note IS addressed To John Morris or The Doorman...
Karen, I totally love your interpretation!
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